The Penultimate task is writing the conclusion

Everything begins with an idea!

Earl Nightingale

Even if it’s a bad one? Thankfully the idea I had was rooted in a dream I have had for as long as I can remember. That is – to become the best performer of magic and person I can be. The journey to that goal has taken many twists and turns but ultimately I know that I am on the right path to get to where I want to be.

To pursue this dream, I’ve had do things that I have never done before. Step into an area of magic I had simply no idea just how difficult it could be. More importantly, I had to find the grit inside me (no matter how hard it got) to believe in myself and keep going, every step of the way. This process has taught me so much about myself. I am braver than I thought I was and tougher than I give myself credit for.

I realise that I have done something in this project that no-one in my industry has ever done before and I am so proud of how far I have come!

Project : A year of study with Hyunjoon Kim

This project has been more than just learning manipulation.

After a full year of working with my mentor, I realise that this process has become more than just studying manipulation. I have grown. I actually like watching myself on stage now. My actions are rehearsed and precise yet everything still feels authentic as if it was performed for the very first time. I see myself moving on stage with a confidence I simply never would have dreamed I’d be able to have. That belief in my actions has come from learning to think about every little detail. The pictures I create on stage for the audience to look at are all cleverly designed through practicing many hours and observing my movements. Emphasising the beauty in what I do to create a pleasurable æsthetic for spectators.

I am convinced, this goal would simply never have been realised without studying manipulation with Hyunjoon Kim.

Friendship

Choosing to work with and bring someone else into my creative journey wasn’t an easy decision. I knew right from the very beginning that if I wanted to become good at this incredibly difficult skill in magic I needed to learn from an expert. At the end of this jounrey I still believe that this was the right thing to do. Taking one-on-one in-person lessons was the best decision I could have made. To learn the correct way right from the beginning of this process.

Has it been tough? Yes it has. But you don’t train with a two-time world champion and it not be an intense experience! However, going through this difficult process with another human being has made the entire experience exactly that. Human!

Together, my mentor and I have shared both the highs and lows in this process. We laugh together. Sigh and yell in frustration together. After this year of study together I am happy to say we are now good friends. We have become a team. I trust him and he believes in me. To have someone with me during this intense period of learning and growing has been a relief. So many artists choose to create in isolation. The process would still happen but I feel the journey has been more satisfying and rewarding having someone there with me every step of the way.

Is this the end or the beginning?

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

Winston Churchill

When I first decided that I wanted to study in this way I knew that the possibility of being able to afford it was low. It would take some time to work and save to make it happen – but it wasn’t an impossible task. The problem was that when I decided that this was what I wanted to do, I really wanted to pursue it at that exact moment! That’s what happens when you have an idea. You want it to happen right away and if it doesn’t you forget about it. Move on. Grow away from it.

I wanted this so bad that I wasn’t going to just let it go. I sat down for around full week and put realistic steps into putting this goal into action. I came up with a master plan that I followed through until my goal actually happened. Gathering masses of information on how much it would cost, the logistics of getting to Korea, the actual lessons which ultimately would help me to plan how I would save for it.

And then, as if by magic, I had a moment. Maybe this is a process I can get funding help with? I’ve done it before, and this project has many creative learning outcomes. Not only to improve my skills as an artist for both myself and my community here in Northern Ireland but to give myself the time to develop a skill I would simply never normally get the opportunity to pursue. Isn’t that what Art’s Funding is for? As it turned out the answer to this question was yes.

Thanks to the Funding of The Arts Council of Northern Ireland and National Lottery Fund in 2025-2026 I became the first artist from the circus & magic arts to be awarded a Major Individual funding award for £15,000.00. Alongside my own funding (as I funded one of the trips myself), this award allowed me to take three trips to Korea, take thirty-six two-and-a-half hour longs lessons in manipulation. Engage and learn from an expert in this field. This funding allowed me the time to just learn. Focus on this process alone. Very few of us get the time to do that in our career, let alone our lifetime.

Thank you to my Arts Officer Gavin O’Connor for proposing me. Thank you to all the team at ACNI for extending this award to me. And finally, thank you to Marianne Crossle who planted the seed which made me believe that I was worthy and deserving to apply for grants of this level at all! This experience has given me so much personally. Professionally it has already given me so many opportunities.

I was engaged in December 2025 with Tumble Circus to perform two solo acts in their Christmas show at Writers Square Winter Circus. This gave me the opportunity to perform manipulation in front of live audiences in 29 shows. Then, I was asked to perform at The Chicago Magic Lounge in Chicago, where I created my very first thirty minute stage show. Most recently, I lectured in Washington D.C. at the first Maths and Magic Conference where I was also asked to perform in their Gala show Masters of Maryland. Another opportunity to perform my new found skills!

Even though this particular journey is at its end, this process for me is only beginning. I intend to continue studying with Hyunjoon Kim this September (self funded) and this time he hinted that we might be at the stage where we can begin making a real stage act! As with all the opportunities I mention above, I have no doubt that the work I have completed in the last year will set me up for a very bright, creative and magical future ahead thanks to receiving this Major Award!

A year of study with Hyunjoon Kim – Daily blog

It would be remiss of me to not keep a blog of this journey as it is such a valuable thing to do in any process. Like this journey this report does not end… yet. For those who would like to read my daily diary of the last year; you are welcome to!

Just to warn readers: I have not held back! And if anyone is inspired to go down a similar path to me and attempt to achieve their dreams for real, expect the process to be one hell of a journey! But I promise you – it will be so much fun!

FYI : The blog begins with Trip two because my first project, Foundations with Hyunjoon Kim was reported before in this blog. This Support the Individual Artist Project was funded by The Arts Council of Northern Ireland and the Exchequer fund.

SEPTEMBER 2025 KOREA TRIP 2 LESSON REPORTS

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 1 : Here we go again!

Day 1. Travelling 

Flying directly from Amsterdam to Incheon ended up only being an eleven hour flight. I was sat beside a lovely couple whom were very intrigued by my reason to visit Korea, particularly when I told them it was to study magic. They both said they thought I was brave for coming all this way to do what I’m doing and wished me luck for my future training. Thankfully, arriving in Korea this time was not as scary as the first time I was here. 

I was met in the airport by both my mentor, Hyunjoon, and his wife, Karam. It was so delightful to see both faces immediately and the excitement of finally being back here hit me properly. 

We drove to the city, had some Korean food. Grilled Pork, kimchi, fried veg. I For the first time I tried Korean fried rice and a pizza made with potatoes which was so yummy. I forgot everything taste good here! Made even better by the fact I can now use chopsticks – woo! 

Finding our way to my accomodation was a bit tricky but my hosts got me there and I managed to get in and settled to my home for the next three weeks. It’s cozy. This time I had to find different accomodation as my last host was booked up. 

I managed to find a whole apartment without a host living in it. I have a bedroom, bathroom, fridge, TV and plenty of room to rehearse. Sadly there is no kitchen (as I thought a “whole apartment” meant kitchen included but Apparently not in Korea). Therefore I’ll be mostly living off instant food unless I decide to treat myself to food at local places nearby. I intend to make my way through the entire noddle/rice/ramen isle in HomePlus! 

Day 2. Finding my way and 1st Lesson.

My home is a bit further away from the rehearsal space than the last time I was here. I took the opportunity to walk to rehearsals. It’s around a 30 minute trek. My apartment is in the middle of a food market and my walk took me past another market so I am completely surrounded by amazing sights, sounds and smells of the traditional Korean street life. 

Today’s lesson was great. It felt like I’ve never been away when I walked in to the room. We went through everything that we had done so far. Touching on slight variations that I had somehow managed to add to the pieces, deviating from the original routines. There is literally so much to remember!

We began to work more on ball manipulation using two shells. We also developed and worked further on ball colour changes picking up where we left off. 

All in all a great first session. Today’s tip: Practice harder! 

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 2 : The struggle is real

Today consisted of practice, practice and you guessed it, more practice! 

I woke up around 6am from the heat. It’s very humid here. Thankfully I have air con in my apartment. I decided that instead of going to sleep again that I would wake up and begin practicing everything we reviewed yesterday and all the new things learned. 

It’s interesting that the longer I practiced I began to loose track of time. I chose to focus and grind the moves and sequences I’m struggling with most. As my mentor keeps telling me there are things that I must learn well because these techniques are very important for progression. 

After literally practicing with breaks across 5 hours I took a small power nap and then made my way to the rehearsal space. I chose to walk there again today as I find the walk rejuvenates me and gets my brain ready for the work ahead. 

Today’s lesson was a lot of fun. The stuff Hyunjoon was showing me today looked so magical! We focused mainly on two ball manipulation sequences and finished with a two to four ball production which is actually insane. I keep thinking “Who invented this?! It’s crazy!” When I asked my mentor, he said “Well, I did!” It explains a lot. But when the move is done right it looks really cool! 

Lots to take on board and try to get into muscle memory this evening. By the end of the session my brain was beat. As the sun set in Incheon I made my way back home,  through the market to my little sanctuary I call home. 

Tonight I will eat, practice a little and then sleep. Tomorrow, I will try to practice harder all day myself as we have a day off from lessons when I return on Thursday I hope I will be able to show some progress. 

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 3 : The plot thickens

So onto lesson 3… Well, let’s just say it was interesting!

In today’s lesson, I was made aware that I am a complete and absolute beginner when it comes to this skill. Even the subtlety of just moving one digit at a time is immensely difficult for me. 

Tonight I must practice harder than I ever have before. I kind of feel what happened in Lesson 5 the last trip to Korea has happened now in Lesson 3. I need to get these parts of my hands to move and in turn get these moves to work. My fingers and brain need to begin working together, and the faster I can do this the faster we can move on. 

I felt the pressure today. I don’t want to hold my studies back. We focused on just two things in todays lesson and I’m no where near mastering them. They took the entire lesson. Damn! 

Manipulation, if you didn’t know already, is all about control. When to relax and when to focus. There is no part of your body that feels this more than in the fingers. I found myself thinking about this one question today, “Did I really know what I was getting myself into?” 

Perhaps not. But I am here now. And the only thing to do is to keep pushing through, and hope my fingers, brain and I catch up and meet somewhere in the middle. The struggle in class today was real. 

***

I have to remind myself that it is fun even when it’s difficult! I’m doing my best and that is all that can be asked for!

On a side note, I am realising that I must really want this because I am waking up at ungodly hours in the morning on this journey to begin each day with practice. Who knew – the mind can be stronger than one’s body! You just have to have the discipline to do it.

Things noteworthy from my solo practice today: twenty minutes is way too long to practice a ball roll in one go. The cramp isn’t worth it. My ball roll is improving and my hand is opening up more each time I practice it for any length of time. 

When I practice and grind something I’m beginning to look at the tiny details and see the beauty in what I’m actually doing. 

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 4 : Twirling

Today was SO MUCH FUN! It was difficult, but the lesson atmosphere was playful. We played with transformation of objects, from one thing to another (which is one of the reasons I LOVE manipulation SO MUCH and want to study it). I also learnt a new term in class today which was “Twirling.” Another EXTREMELY difficult technique. It’s where you turn individual and sometimes multiple cards at your fingertips. 

Twirling is one of the basics of card manipulation which I must learn to do proficiently. With both hands. It’s at this point Im realising that it’s a good thing to be slightly ambidextrous! I got so excited in class today at how cool the skills I am learning actually are. I was smiling from ear to ear. In learning so many new things my brain was exhausted by the time I got home. This evening I did a tiny bit of practice and then just chilled out, as I can get up early and begin practice again. 

Training is also all about balance. Learning when to practice and when to rest. When to eat. Use tension, relaxation, joy, frustration, sanity, insanity. Reminding myself daily that I am doing this for my love of magic. Tomorrow is another day off and all being well I’m off to a thing called ”Pop con” in Seoul with Hyunjoon and Karam for my day off. I say all being well because since I left rehearsals there has been what I would call a monsoon outside. It has been raining heavily all evening. 

I’ve been getting alerts all day from the Korean Government to stay indoors (which is hilarious; that Korea have managed to infiltrate my phone when the UK government haven’t managed to send me even one national alert since they began to do this nationally). I just hope it stops soon, I hate heavy rain. I always find it hard to sleep when it rains. And, I must try to get some sleep so that I can get up tomorrow morning and practice my new found skill from todays lesson – twirling. Huzzah!

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 5 : Every day I’m practicing!

After not feeling great yesterday evening and also still not being able to perform the two new things I had been taught in the previous lesson, I decided to take a break until this morning. Upon which I rose early again in order to give myself loads of time before my lesson to try and get these moves down. 

I managed to at least make one of the moves work. The other move just felt impossible. I just didn’t know how to make it work or even look as it should no matter how hard I tried. I decided to leave that until class today to ask for help with it. Basically I’m spending every waking hour practicing and I do see improvement but it’s slow. This is the joy in having the time to focus solely on learning. Not juggling work, life and other things – just the process of absorbing the information from class, playing and growing as a person and artist. 

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 6 : The brick wall!

In today’s lesson we learned all about frustration and that when you try not being frustrated; it just makes one more frustrated! Can you tell I’m frustrated?! Brief synopsis of todays class is as follows: 

Card work : Difficult! But I’m also still l having fun. Today we got the twirling moving ever so slightly and I know how to do the expansion motion with the cards in my head but I’m not there yet physically. 

My homework with the cards is to get both hands twirling simultaneously and expanding at the same time. I have to remind myself it’s just day two of learning this. And as if that wasn’t enough I have to practice the move for the preparation for colour changes too. Yikes!

Ball work : Apparently holding balls in one hand and producing some more in the other hand at the same time is difficult for my brain to accept – and I thought I was ambidextrous! Maybe in the hands but not the mind. Again, this will take time for my brain and body to work together simultaneously as one unit. On a positive note I am absolutely loving a small transformation sequence we are learning – it really is so much fun. One ball appears, changes places, becomes two balls, then both vanish. Parts of it are even beginning to look good, at least in my mind! Hehe small joys! 

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 7 : Tiredness

I’m determined to conquer this!

In this trip the lesson plan, skill level and challenges have really stepped up. Todays lesson was super exhausting. Even though I am tired, tonight all I’m doing is practice. Practicing my twirling until I can do it without thinking. And also without screaming at my hands to work.

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 8 : Emotional toil

It’s official. This process is the most challenging thing I’ve ever done in my life… ever!

I still want to keep going but just no matter how long I practice in the evening and begin to get stuff flowing, I sleep and the next morning it feels like I’m back to square one. I haven’t cried yet but it feels close right now. 

Is any of what I am learning actually going in? I feel like I don’t know what way is the correct way anymore. This is just temporary, I know. I must keep pushing through because I can feel that I’m close but today it feels so far away. Damn those steps to success! I need to keep thinking happy thoughts today.

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 9 : Then there were three

Today marks just three more classes left in this trip. In the lesson today we went through a lot. Fanning, back-palming, ball manipulation, transformation, twirling, pinwheels all of the above. I’ve so much in my head now and apparently my mentor keeps telling me that  there is so much more for us to learn. 

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 10 : Tiny hands

Todays’ Lesson was fun but, again, challenging. Split fans were added to the long list of things I need to be able to do. This is quite possible the hardest technique so far. It’s challenging for my hands. It requires strength I’ve never had in my hands before now. And my hands just feel too small for this. Which, my mentor tells me, is ridiculous. “No slacking – you must practice harder and you will get there! It is hard, but the only way to do it is to do it!”

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 11 : Smile, smile, smile

Today has been about really digging in. Grinding moves for periods of 10-20 minutes a go depending on how difficult I’m finding it and moving onto the next one. I can finally see the light, I’m feeling it. I feel the beauty in what I’m doing. I’m smiling as I practice. I’m trying the moves fast, slow and somewhere in between. It’s so cool. Learning these skills is making me smile. I’m smiling at what I’m doing and the feeling I get knowing how good this will eventually become on stage. 

***

I’m so glad I followed my gut to learn something that, when I watch it, it makes me feel happy inside. Life should be about joy and if I can make an audience feel the way I’m feeling right now, practicing here half way across the world in Korea, this journey is worth it!

Korea Trip 2 Lesson 12 : Final report and some good news

As I find myself at end of Korea trip two, which was completely self funded, I have been told that my next two trips to Korea has been funded by the Arts Council of Northern Ireland and National Lottery Fund awarding me a Major Individual Award. I am the first Magician and performer in my field to achieve this ever! The excitement I’m feeling right now is just incredible! 

I am beyond grateful to have the opportunity to continue my journey of mentorship with Hyunjoon Kim into 2026 to become the best I can be with the best manipulator in the world! 

***

Final lesson: we went over everything we have learnt so far. We are both tired and exhausted but super excited to be continuing this journey next year. I can’t wait to see what is in store for me then! Watch this space!

JANUARY 2026 KOREA TRIP 3 LESSON REPORTS

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 1 : We are back!

It’s so nice to be back in Korea. It is starting to feel like home in that I know the area a little more.

The lesson began as usual presenting the card fanning routine which I have been working on and performing in front of real audiences now. Comments were that technically it’s now very good but there’s one thing I need to work on. My face. It’s weird when you are doing something very technical with your hands, facial expressions are completely lost. Manipulation is not just an exercise to go through. It’s all about expression. The face, body and hands.

My mentor performed the routine after this talk and honestly, I was speechless. The little nuances in his face, the softness of his hands. I get it. I saw it and felt it and I want to be able to express that too on stage.

Since beginning this journey I have almost been afraid to express how I feel, or move too much. But today I was told I need to use my face to communicate how I feel about what I am doing with my hands and body. It felt like a relief but also pressure to find what it is that I should express. 

I did feel one moment, that was really alive in my head when I performed the routine after this discussion and I remember when I produced a fan from nothing I felt pure joy in my heart. Like a little spark. I must remember this feeling!

Next we moved straight into ball manipulation. Once I made it through the first routine we moved onto the next that we began working together with on my last trip to Korea. This routine focuses on the use of the shell. On the last trip I thought three shells was difficult. Today I’m now learning to work with five. Yes, you read that right – five! It’s complete insanity but also absolutely brilliant! 

I was a little jet lagged this afternoon so I slept, but now I’m awake and practicing to get my baby fingers to pull their weight.

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 2 : Dropping is not flopping!

After today I now know that the day and hour I do not drop my props I have made it as a manipulator! In class, I was dropping everything today! I cannot impart how difficult what I’m learning is. Only those who have studied manipulation properly truly know. Regardless of how I feel right now I am determined to do this and the only way to get there is with solid practice. 

In today’s lesson I can report that twirling has been taken up a notch – as if that was even possible. Apparently; yes it is! Now I’m twirling 8 cards per hand which has caused the part between my middle and ring finger to become bruised by holding more cards. 

No pain, no gain as they say! I must continue practicing through the pain. I’m guessing like guitar players or any repetitive exercise the pain will eventually dull over time. However I can report that the twirling routine I will be able to do at the end of it all is just out of this world good!

My mentor has asked me to practice longer; all day, if necessary, to get this down. “There are no shortcuts. You just have to do the work!” He also reminded me of my goals today. I want to make a successful manipulation act so I’ve got to put the work in if I want to be good at this. I’m trying, I really I am.

I’ve also got to find a proper rehearsal space when I get home to Belfast. Although my family are amazing and I can practice in my home, I get distracted easily being in a comfortable place. To get really good at this I need a space where I can go to practice and focus solely on this daily. That is a new goal when I return home to Belfast. 

***

I kind of feel all over the place because there is so much material now that I have to practice. Fanning, the five card routine, two ball manipulation routines, twirling, pinwheels. It is a little overwhelming. Perhaps it is time to put a daily practice schedule together.

It’s also exhausting, learning in such a condensed, short period of time. I will do the best I can and take each day as it comes, reminding myself that I am doing stuff now I wasn’t a year ago. I can do this, and I will!

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 3 : Fists of steel! 

Today we went over absolutely everything I’ve learnt so far. Even some bits I’d forgotten I’d been learning like the colour changing ball and a short, card and ball routine. 

The Twirling routine, although still feeling absolutely nuts to do, feels much better today (I guess because it’s not completely new anymore). I am still clutching onto the cards for dear life (that’s because I’m twirling eight cards per hand people!). What’s cool is that the routine ends with pinwheels in each hand giving me an opportunity to practice this move – woo!

Last night I rehearsed a lot and it may not have shown in class to my mentor but everything today felt like it was more settled. I believe that is down to the hours I practiced in between lessons. I’m slowly realising that practice right now has to take focus over everything I do. I need to put the work into this now and truthfully as my mentor confirmed today… an hours practice is simply not good enough to get me to where I want to be with this stuff. 

In terms of rehearsing daily here, what I have found works for me is that I rehearse in forty minute intervals. Practice something for forty minutes. Take a break and then begin again with something else or just repeat the exercise for stuff I’m finding difficult. And that is pretty much my day outside of rehearsals. I know that it’s so important I find a way to continue this practice schedule at home. There is now so much material to practice that there is never a dull moment. 

I’m very tired (all the information absorbing is exhausting) but I know that I’m here to work and I’ve got to make the most of my time here in person with my mentor. 

We have made plans for my final trip to return in April 2026 which is exciting. 

At the end of class we made a return to studying split fans and the ”re-gripping” of a fan. Finally working on producing single cards from each hand. 

***

Manipulation really is all about the little details. When I can’t figure out why something is not working, Hyunjoon observes me from all angles like a detective trying to figure out and compare what I am doing to what he is doing to help me achieve the move as it’s meant to be done. 

Eventually we get to the crux of the problems. He dissects the pieces that altogether make the move work. And then he helps me to apply it with my own hands. 

This is one of the reasons why I feel it’s so important to study this type of magic (manipulation) in person. You can’t learn and execute these moves correctly, learn the intricate details and nuances of the hands from a screen or book. Well, you can, but it will take an awful long time and by that time you will inevitably build up bad habits. Being taught in person means learning the right way the first time. I am very lucky to have this opportunity right now to do this. 

Tonight, I watch movies and practice hard again. I’ve also bought myself a little hand press to begin building up the muscles in my hands and fingers – this is now the gym of Nikola Chaos Arkane as I got dubbed today in class! With all this practice and hard work, soon I will have fists of steel!

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 4 : Observations

I honestly didn’t believe my card fans could get any bigger – but yes they actually can! 

I was reminded last night that even though I am trying to learn new things, I have to begin thinking of my posture as I’m learning them. When I’m standing and sitting in class, so that I don’t have to work on this again after I’ve learnt all these incredibly difficult moves to perform on stage in real life.

My moto is: shoulders back, chest out, head upright as if I have a string pulling it up from the centre of my skull. Every so often today I corrected or rather repositioned myself into a more relaxed strong position. Hopefully this will help me save time in my longer goal journey. By tackling or at least thinking of my posture right from the beginning of this process, I will save having to deal with it on stage in live performance afterward. 

Fact : Doing multiple things with all your fingers on both hands at once is harder than you might think! You have to focus but also not think too much because if you think too much your hands won’t do what you want them too.

Today it’s official – I’ve began getting hand cramps from practice. I am feeling every fibre and muscle in my fingers, palms, knuckles. Sometimes my hands shake a little with the strain. My mentor tells me that eventually, this, too will pass.

***

One word has been on my mind, keeping me positive throughout the pain, not being able to do what my mentor asks of me and the genuine feeling in myself (which doesn’t last long thankfully) that I am not cut out for this. That word is… Sisu. Sisu is a unique Finnish concept embodying extraordinary determination, resilience, grit, and courage, especially when facing extreme adversity; it’s a deep inner strength to keep going against all odds!

I only discovered this word after watching the movie “Sisu” and the more I think about it – Sisu is me. 

I’m here alone in Korea. 

Studying a completely new discipline. 

A discipline which is extremely difficult.

A project I managed to secure full funding support to pay for. 

I’m studying with a two time World champion magician. 

Everyday I keep on showing up for class. 

Everyday I keep practicing

All of this madness because I absolutely love watching and want to perform manipulation to the world and become a champion in magic. Nothing good comes without hard work. And I’m putting everything I’ve got into this. I love magic and I want to the best. There’s no magic wand or short cuts to get me there. Just hard work and belief in myself!  

Final note: I almost forgot. One note for my twirling I need more pressure so that when the cards open out faster. It’s has to be like – POW! And they must open out at the same time together. 

Also, am I the only one that finds isolation hard? Not isolation in Korea, but body isolation. Trying to keep one part of my body still whilst another moves is right now beyond impossible! I’ll just keep on practicing and soon it WILL happen because remember I am Sisu! 

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 5 : Everywhere hurts, all the time!

Today’s lesson was slow and difficult. I practiced so hard and when I turned up to class today I literally couldn’t do anything. 

My hands were shaking so much holding the cards and the balls. 

Clearly my hands and mind are in the middle of a learning threshold which I need to push through and hop over, but it doesn’t make it easy when I’m in it. The only thing to do is to keep on, keeping on and practice, practice, practice. Even though everything hurts everywhere! 

Hyunjoon’s wife Karam gave me a little treat today. A special Korean chocolate bonbon delicacy that is both expensive and delicious. So much so that people queue up to get it and you are only allowed to buy two at a time. I can report that this little chocolate delight was worth it! If only I could manipulate these… into my belly!

Returning the favour, I brought some Swedish candy for Hyunjoon to try. This included chocolate, raspberry gums and some Salta Häxor liquorice. Needless to say, he did not like the Häxor but it was worth bringing them to see someone else have the same reaction to Swedish salty Liquorice as I do. Weirdly, when I tasted it today, it wasn’t so bad. I’m now clearly part Viking! 

We finished the lesson putting together a split fan routine using both hands. I can say today that things are happening but it’s incredibly slow. I mentioned that my mentor will most likely need therapy after teaching me. But not matter what he is patience and encouraging every single lesson I attend. If he believes I can do this, I must believe I can. I will do this!

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 6 : Finding Sisu

Well, I made it to the halfway point! Upon reflection; there are no short cuts in what I’m learning and wanting to do. There will be good days and bad ones but they all lead towards my goal of creating a beautiful magic act with manipulation. It is slow, and difficult but if it were easy everyone would be doing it.

I can do more now than I could last year. And more now than I could a week ago. Every day is progress. Steady continuous practice will get me there. I won’t give up. Remember, I live by Sisu! 

***

Today’s lesson was good. Some things worked, others need more practice. There is laughter now and then during class, which I think is necessary. We finished the lesson by learning how to roll and fold a silk to produce it which made me very happy. I don’t know what it is but I just love working with silks. They make me happy! It was a really nice end to the session. Another transformation trick to practice. Transformations are becoming my favourite pieces of magic to learn and the kind of magic I’ve always wanted to perform. It’s the little things.

The journey continues. Onwards.

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 7 : Interlock

Today’s lesson was lots of fun. It’s all still incredibly difficult but lots of daily practice is really helping me to get there and feel better each lesson. Some things improve others need working on. It’s just the process. We’re attempting to get my baby fingers to work properly by drilling ball manip manoeuvres (the correct way) with my pinkies. It’s all about building up muscles where they didn’t exist before now. 

We continued working on the split fan routine which even though it’s still chaos and slow but I am actually able to go through it which is better than it was two days ago. After learning to roll up a silk yesterday we began learning ball to silk and silk to ball productions and we made our way through another small routine. 

Finally today’s lesson ended learning; what can only be described at the craziest move in manipulation ever – the Interlock. Who invented this madness? It’s a workout in itself, both for the hands and the brain to get one’s head around. 

Soon like all this other stuff it will become part of my daily routine of practice and I will be able to do what I think is the craziest move in my manipulation journey so far! On a personal note I’m really loving just being able to absorb, practice and learn in these intense periods with my mentor without having the normal distractions of daily life. 

When it is possible each day to only think about one goal instead of like ten, it’s less demanding and although everything I’m trying to accomplish is difficult by just having the one goal to practice hard everything I’m learning in class makes it feel more achievable. I think this might be my brains way of accepting daily practice as part of my life now – and I kind of love it!

I must be able to find a way to continue this daily when I get back home and have to get back to the real world. It’s important.

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 8 : We now have a list, and it’s huge!

Today we went over everything we have learnt so far. In order to keep track, I decided to put a list together of all the routines for my own sake. I’m plan to make a little spreadsheet with everything on it so that each day I can keep track of the comments I’m being given to work on with each routine as there is so much to remember. It’s all about the details. 

Here is the list of things I have been taught, am learning and practice daily in and out of class. 

– Card fanning routine 

– Five card routine 

– Ball manipulation routine 1

– Ball manipulation routine 2

– Card to ball routine

– 2 Ball to 4 ball production 

– Colour changing ball routine

– Twirling practice with 4, 5, and six cards  productions

– Twirling routine with 8 cards per hand ending with pinwheels in each hand

– Ball and silk routine 

– Interlock move

– Split fan routine 

– One card left and right hand productions

– New one card production (I’ve dubbed it the thumb pull)

Little details I need to practice more: Opening and closing my hands and fingertips slowly. I.e. each finger opens and or closes one at a time when producing / changing items – believe me it’s easier said than done but when it’s done I’ll admit it’s beautiful and worth the effort! The Interlock – today’s mess is another days triumph and I will be able to do this insane move. Whether I ever use it is a question for another day! The eight ball production with five shells – it’s a tricky one to get my head around and do all at once. This move is seriously challenging! 

I am still trying to absorb all these tools I need to learn. Everything is difficult. I can say it does become easier with daily practice. It makes all the effort worthwhile when I turn up to class and my mentor says he is happy for me because I’m getting better. Which is high praise indeed! 

I’ve just sat down on the bed and I’m exhausted. Learning new things is really tiring both mentally and physically, it’s so much fun. Onwards!

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 9 : Progress is all in the mind

I thought things were difficult up until this point. But no, there is so much more difficulty to come. I must prepare myself. 

A journey like this has ups and downs and sometimes I turn up to class and my hands just won’t work, even though I’ve done it in the morning and the night before my lesson. Sometimes it works and other times it does not. It’s really hard not to let not being able to do something that seems so simple as moving a finger into the correct position get to you. 

Today I think I let things get to me. I wasn’t in a good space. But hey, I am human and we all have days like this. I have to remember that this is my first time ever doing this stuff, as my mentor keeps on reminding me. I have to remember to see the fun in it all. I mean, it’s quite hilarious that this girl from Belfast is in Korea sitting beside a two time world champion and we’re laughing at how I can’t move a finger or keep it in position. Who gets to do that? Me, because I’m this crazy girl who decides not only to have these dreams but also make them happen in real life!

I’m learning and growing and I might not be able to do this stuff now (like on the very first day I’ve learnt it) but in a few days it will get easier. The process steps for learning are really like climbing a staircase. It goes from extremely difficult to hard but it’s now familiar. I can do it. I can’t do it! 

“I can do it but it’s not the right way. It’s good to just be able to do it any way I can right? Well no. It’s actually not. There’s a reason you should do it this way. I did it and I did it the right way! Argh I can’t do it again…”

This scenario repeats itself over and over until one day I don’t even think about it being a struggle anymore and I just am able to do it. That’s how progress works. 

In today’s lesson we had a load of new things to take onboard so it was challenging to say the least. This is all part of the journey. Keep moving, keep growing!

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 10 : All fingers and thumbs

Today lesson was great. Although I did not practice as much as I would’ve liked to, because I had a day off with my friend yesterday. I still got some done this morning and afternoon before class which at least helped me to stay at the level I was already at. 

I can almost perform the new colour changing card twirling sequence with four cards after just one day of practice, so this is coming along too. This makes me very happy! 

Today we went over everything we’ve learnt so far which is so much stuff! Sometimes, when I finish a routine and my mentor says “Next!” I’m thinking, “There is no next!?” and then I realise “Oh yes, that routine!”

***

We began working with wands, vanishing and appearing them. The flip stick move which, honestly, I have avoided because anytime I’ve tried it I’ve been rubbish at it…. …and I am hah! It is much better after today’s class. I think I understand the move more. Where to put the pressure and release it. Todays lesson will hopefully help me to secure this as a new skill. 

We’ve also began learning the “perfect production” which right now is complete and utter impossible madness. However, as my mentor says “you will do it” – and I will! 

I know I keep saying it, manipulation is not meant to be learnt in one day. It takes time, and I’m learning that this is the process. Steadily there will be improvement. Little and often. I’ll get there. 

On a side note, this evening I felt a blister forming on the side of my thumb – it’s red and hurts like hell. The skin of my fingers feeling the strain of these daily repetitive exercises. I’ve no idea where or how this sore developed but I’m sure I’ll find out as I practice everything I’ve learnt this evening and tomorrow. In just a week, the blisters between my fingers have healed and holding cards there is no longer sore. My thumb will hopefully heal as quick. 

***

It’s amazing how much material we have gone through so far. My mentor keeps saying we have a long way to go. I can’t wait to see how this journey unfolds. 

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 11 : The Penultimate one

This learning journey is like a complete rollercoaster ride of ups, downs and everything in between. Coming into this, I knew that I wasn’t the most coordinated person in the world. Clumsy as hell. Had no idea where parts of my body were in relation to the space around it. Although I have come quite far, I have a long journey to go before anything I’m learning can be considered graceful, or good. I am trying so hard and practicing every moment I get and still it’s not enough right now. 

These skills are going to take time to get into my body. Somehow, I have to summon the patience and perseverance to do it and keep on going, no matter how hard it gets. It’s easier here when I have a lesson every other day with my teacher. This helps focus and give me a reason to practice every single day. I’m anxious about when I get home. I need to keep practicing this much when I get home. I need to find the drive to continue this process when I return home. I wish with all my being that with each class there was leaps and bounds of improvement but today again it felt like a backward step. Things I could do before just weren’t happening. It’s so hard to not be disappointed in oneself, especially since there is just one more lesson this trip. 

I’ve got to keep on reminding myself how far I’ve come. This journey is not over yet even though this trip will very soon come to an end. Things I need to keep in mind and focus on…

Stay positive

Keep focused

Keep on going 

Practice, practice, practice

It will pay off!

And I’ll get there

I can do this

I will do this and most importantly

I am doing this! 

Onwards. 

Final lesson tomorrow. Time to practice hard!

Korea Trip 3 Lesson 12 : Course completion! 

Today’s lesson flew. Going over all the exercises and moves we’ve learnt so far takes quite an amount of time now even though each lesson is two hours and thirty minutes. I’ve really enjoyed that at the very end of each lesson we move onto at least one new thing. I’ve had to make a thorough list so that I don’t forget anything from this trip. We ended today’s lesson with some new material with a wand and silk. It’s so much fun and pretty darn cool – or it will be when I can do it. 

Manipulation really is in the details. When I think I’ve cracked something, I go into class the next day and realise that the cards need to be more down into the hands, or it’s just a tiny push not a ginormous one! I’m coming to terms with the fact my mentor must have super senses because a lot of these sleights require one being able to feel one card and separate (without moving) all the other cards in one’s hand. It’s quite a feat when you are trying to hold on for dear life to the rest of the cards in your hand so that they don’t fly off into oblivion!

I’m so glad I’m learning in person with this. The best decision I made was to do this and study this way. There are many ways to study but it’s so nice to be on this journey and not be on it alone. Learning from someone who has went through the same process. An expert in the field. I find myself saying to my mentor and to myself “if you can do it so can I”, a lot.

It has taken me to the thirty-sixth lesson to realise what practice actually means. It means daily. No excuses. I must practice the things I find hard until they become easy. I must never give up, that is not easy. This is literally how you get to be the best at something. You simply never give up! 

At the end of the final lesson this trip I feel tired. I am relieved that we made it through these lessons in one piece. I’m also a little sad that it’s over. I am ready to travel home for a while. I’ve loved being here but I’ve also missed home and my own bed. 

***

You will all be glad to hear that I’m not throwing myself into work as I normally do. I’ve taken the next month off. I plan to recuperate, practice, sleep, practice, eat, practice, reflect and you guessed it, practice some more. It’s time for some Nikola time. 

I am so grateful to everyone who made this trip possible. To Arts Council of Northern Ireland for funding this trip and learning journey. To my mentor Hyunjoon Kim for his time, patience and encouragement throughout this entire process. To my family and friends for all the support you give me behind the scenes daily to keep on going. And finally, to you here for reading this journal of mine. 

I will create a beautiful magic act with manipulation and become the best performer I can be. 

To celebrate the end of this trip we had our final meal together which has become a favourite of mine here – Korean Chicken noodle soup!

APRIL 2026 KOREA TRIP 4 LESSON REPORTS

Korea Trip 4 Lesson 1 : Korea, we meet again…

It’s official. The Foundations we’ve built are holding! After doing real daily practice in-between my last visit and now there are glimmers of light shining through. Things are no longer impossible. They are tricky and will just take time. I know the process now and trust it more importantly. I just have to keep on practicing. There are no shortcuts to get there I just have to stick to the path I’m on and keep on going. 

In today’s lesson we went through everything I’ve learnt so far to date and it took the entire lesson to do so. That’s a whopping 2 and a half hours just to go through everything. That’s how much stuff we’ve gone through together. It’s nuts, right? Some bits I’m better at than others. Some are a work in progress – every day I keep showing up there is progress.

I was happy today when my mentor asked to watch my performance of the card fanning act I performed at Chicago Magic Lounge in the last month. After watching it he told me “I should be proud of that performance!” That meant so much! That’s what is amazing about having a mentor. He wants me to do well, and I want to do well for him. My work is now a reflection of both my dedication to study and his own teaching. 

Being a performer, I really pushed myself to see if I could perform something from this process early on. My thinking was that if I didn’t do it I might never perform this material in real life. Or be brave enough to show people the things I’m learning. I chose to do the card fanning piece even though I wasn’t ready to. I learnt quite quickly what to do and not do. I kept performing it and putting it on stage so it could become the best it could be. Now just a year later, this act has become something I am truly proud of. I am so thankful to my mentor for gifting these skills and time to me. Its now a team effort!

A nice surprise in class today was being able to do something almost immediately after being taught it. That never happens – and probably won’t for sometime again! I was smiling inside and ear to ear when it did. I felt like the cat that got the cream.

Finally, after today’s lesson I got a small bonus. I was invited to watch another of my mentors students performing his award winning manipulation act. It was super inspiring! What a first day. 

Tonight I practice tomorrow we continue.

Korea Trip 4 Lesson 2 : The Grind. 

The honeymoon period is officially over and today’s lesson was a little more challenging. I really have to practice until these moves are in complete muscle memory. 

In today’s class, we went over a routine I thought I knew off by heart. But oh my, was I so wrong! 

Working on the finer details of ball manipulation means sorting out my fingers, hands and shaping. Every time my hands are “empty” my mentor said I must show them as such by opening up and relaxing my fingers. That of course is much easier said than done. When I tried to do it in today’s class I forgot the entire routine. Working on the small details, moving my hands differently to previously in a familiar routine made me forget everything I’d been working on for months, which is ludicrous. What is funny too, before my mentor pointed out these specific hand movements he wanted me to be doing – I was convinced I was already doing it! I can confirm I wasn’t, not even close.

***

Positive mental attitude to this learning process is key. What I am trying to do each day is difficult. Most people will simply never do the stuff I’m trying to do. I need to stick with it but also not beat myself up when I can’t do something yet. I am practicing every moment I get. Putting all my time into it. It will happen. It’s no longer never. It’s simply when. 

Change isn’t easy. Doing it, one must take tiny steps. The last two days I’ve been going for an hour walk to not only break up the day but to help with my positive mental attitude. Doing something else each day other than practicing allows me to take a break and come back into the work more focused and clear minded. In today’s lesson we focused a little on some of his signature moves on the perfect production which are so cool! 

We watched a video of my mentor performing this in his act so he could show me what it will look like in action and it’s just wow! The skill I see in his work when I watch him perform on stage. It’s real artistry. It’s even more impressive somehow when you know how it is done. The work involved. Speaking of which – it’s time to practice. 

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 3 : Being prepared is important

It’s important to get in the right headspace for this work. I woke up and thought I was ready but realised after the first hour I wasn’t. I reluctantly took a walk. Not right away, but soon walking in the sun and fresh air around me, I felt much better. When I came home I got started practicing and didn’t stop. 

Making sure I’m in a good head space helps me get stuff done. Especially when the things I am learning are difficult for my hands and brain to comprehend. Today’s lesson was fun but tough. I practiced all day long. Which is a good thing, but my hands felt it today. As I’ve been working on extending my fingers, opening and closing them properly throughout my routines they are feeling the extra work I’ve been putting them through. I pushed myself today. Which meant in today’s lesson my hands dropped cards. They were just a bit tired today. Like everything I am learning, the daily practice will help my hands to grow stronger and hopefully it will soon pay off. 

In class we’re pushing on with the perfect production variations. Hyunjoon’s variations on this move are beautiful and absolutely bonkers! But, as we discussed during class, they are not impossible. I will be able to do what he does. It’s not how but when. 

Coloured cards were introduced in this class too which really excites me! Tonight I have to spend some time prepping new manipulation cards for tomorrow because I’m going through so many packets of cards – the joys of learning new stuff. Sleep and then start again tomorrow. 

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 4 : And then there was the forth lesson…

Then there was the fourth lesson. I believe this happens every single trip. The lesson where I am reminded how difficult the task I’ve set myself in learning manipulation is and wondering if I am actually cut out for this stuff? Thankfully, I now have perspective and realise that, yes, I am cut out for it. I wouldn’t be here in Korea if I wasn’t.

I know and understand that these feelings are simply a part of the journey of becoming more than what I am. Knowing this does not make this journey any easier. The process is the process and I simply have to ride it out. 

It probably didn’t help that today I woke up very tired. It was raining here in Incheon so no walk. 

I had to motivate myself mentally without getting out and about, which I did by putting on some fun music and practicing my perfect productions to the beat of “Sweet Dreams are made of this”. Producing my cards like bullets – POW POW! It’s fun to imagine that I am a master at this in the bedroom. I know that I still have lots of growing and learning to do. One step at a time and I’ll get there. I’m doing all I can and that is enough. I will do this. I am doing this!

***

In today’s class we focused on more of the details in the ball manipulation pieces. My finger placement was corrected so that the balls are now lined up properly. We also fixed the position of the cards for the perfect production which helps me not to overly bend the cards. 

So much about this art is about relaxation and tension. Putting just enough pressure on things to hold the item in place but also execute the move and allow it to happen. I mean, are fingers supposed to move that way? Apparently, they can and must. Hyunjoon reminded me again that “This stuff cannot be learnt in a day. It’s simply impossible to, so don’t worry, you will do it!”

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 5 : Laughter is key

The process of learning something new in manipulation: 

You Watch it. You Try it. You Can do it!!!

Suddenly you manage to do it.You celebrate!

You think you’ve got it.

You realise you haven’t been doing it correctly.

Retry it the right way.

You’re back to not being able to do it again.

Retrain to do it the right way 

This takes A LOT of time

YOU FINALLY DO IT!

Then you have to keep on practicing every day until it’s second nature and you don’t think about how you do it anymore.

Practice more. Fail, Eat, sleep, repeat!

***

Today’s lesson was so much fun. My mentor is just crazy, but in the best possible way. The things he can do are insane! I realised when we are working that some of the things I am doing now I couldn’t the last time I was with him. 

Pinwheels, twirling (albeit I still need to work on both!); they are no longer impossible. It is possible and I can do these things now without thinking too much. Breathing though, that’s another matter! I have to remember to breathe and relax. Shoulders down! 

It was so nice to talk with people back home today. I was reminded thatI have so much love and support for what I am doing out here. When I showed some of the things I’ve been doing they helped me to see just how far I’ve come. Reminded me that it’s not simple what I am learning and I am actually doing it. It was like having a virtual hug that I needed very much today. One of the hardest things when you follow your dreams is not seeing the people you care about dearly every day. Knowing that they support me and know why I am here means the world to me. I am a very lucky girl! 

***

Back to class. We focused on perfect productions and the perfect position for it. I am fascinated by the fact that when I am in the correct position I simply CANNOT see the cards! It’s mind-blowing and why I love magic! I have a new finger exercise to get my fingers moving beautifully. 

I am noticing that I am laughing way more in class now even when I struggle. After all, it’s way better to smile and have fun than be miserable.

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 6 : Push it!

Today I woke up and practiced all day. I’ve learnt so much that there really isn’t enough time in one day to go over everything and spend the amount of time I want to on each thing before my next lesson. I have to remember I’m only one person and I’m doing my best. I can’t do more than that. 

I really have to work to increase my card Holding skills. I need to gain the strength to hold a lot more cards than I’m holding now. It was funny in class today. Hyunjoon mentioned the words “If you want to give up on the Pinwheel, do, but you cannot give up on split fans and back palming cards – this is essential.” Several moments later I found myself replying, “Who said I’m going to give up anything from class?”

I won’t. It may take a while. I may struggle with it. Hate it with a passion. But – by all my might – I will do everything he has taught me and excel at it! Even though now it hurts my fingers and hands. Even though at times it is impossible and I can’t see a way to do what he is asking me. I will persevere and do this because I want this more than anything!

In the lesson today we focused a lot on the pinwheel and being able to produce it all at once (three to one split variation) compared to the original one I learnt (two to four split). I’m making up my own terminology right now. In writing this I understand why not a lot of manipulation is described in books because it’s difficult to describe how to do something when you’re in person, let alone write it down for someone else to read and comprehend.

Homework is to work on everything but I will put a little extra time on the Perfect Production, Pinwheels and all the variations. Oh and the Split Fan routine. 

I think I’ll celebrate the half way point in this trip by having some ice cream. Onwards!

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 7 : Finishing sentences with positivity

Today I began to make a habit of finishing my sentences. Or rather redefining them. I find myself saying the words “it’s impossible” and “I can’t do this” a lot. It really feels that way… this moment. When I said those words in class today I found myself with the urge to finish the sentence in a more positive way. “It’s impossible… right now!” and “I can’t do it… this moment.” By ending my sentence with an open ended and less permanent ending it leaves the possibility for me to actually succeed in what I’m trying to do.

To succeed, I have to change my mindset step by step and this is something I noticed today that is beginning to slowly happen. Keeping a check on the language I use and the mind set I have is very important in becoming the performer and person I want to be. 

***

I’ve noticed that our sessions are flying now. The time just slips away. The first hour we go through quite a lot of material and in the next hour and a half we get into the technique of the newer and more difficult move-sets. Split fans, Twirling, Pinwheels, Perfect Productions. I really felt it on my forearms today. They hurt like hell! I also have homework to make sure I practice diligently: the ball roll, five card routine, split fans and perfect production and its variations (which there are now many). 

Just five more lessons this trip. Gotta make every second it count!

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 8 : Showing up no matter how I feel

Today I hit a wall. I was feeling the pressure to not let my mentor down. Sometimes I feel I have so much to perfect and it’s hard to focus on one thing let alone everything. I still managed to practice everything, just not in the order I normally do it. 

In submitting to the chaos, practice became chaotic. I still showed up and practiced and went to my lesson ready to learn. Although inside I felt the angst of not being good enough, I really enjoyed today’s lesson. I know I’m not there yet with a lot of this stuff but I am noticing that things are progressing. I feel like a little tortoise. Moving steadily towards the goal! 

The perfect production and its variations are so difficult. It is weird that after doing this strange action for the last three days it somehow becomes a bit normal, even though what I am demanding my hands to do feels beyond human capabilities! It was nice to end the day attempting Hyunjoon’s coloured card production “The Phoenix,”  which is just so beautiful… when he does it! When I do it, it’s interesting. But all the signs point to that it will be beautiful soon! 

My hands and forearms were pretty sore at the end of today’s lesson. I’m practicing every chance I get. When I’m not manipulating, I’m stretching my fingers. Or rolling a ball, or twirling. Just constant grind. There’s only one way to get good at this stuff and it’s to do it! 

I also learnt a little tip today that when I’m split fanning to back palm at the same time as I drop cards – which has smoothed out the action of my split fans hugely. Every time we learn a new move he starts by just getting me to be able to do the move. Then we work on it. Slowly tweaking all the movements until I can do it correctly. This process is like a magic trick unfolding slowly! With the little tweaks and add ons every single lesson my mentor is guiding me slowly to each goal at a steady pace. I must comment, though, in this lesson there was a bit more than guiding done. He was holding and keeping my ring finger in position for my perfect productions as it just doesn’t want to stay where it should! This lessons work was hard and I’m very tired. 

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 9 Chaos is my middle name!

As it turns out my hands are actually too small for this… No, they definitely are not however they are feeling the strain of being asked to hold and palm at least (and just for reference this number is still no where near enough) thirty cards per hand. That means, with at least 30 cards I am palming, back palm, producing, flourishing and all the la-tee-da’s that goes along with it, with both hands! 

I understand why because in order to do all this stuff proficiently I have to increase my card intake. 

Right now though, my hands just aren’t strong enough. The only way to get more strength in them is to keep trying over and over again. To keep on going through the pain. Right now it’s dam hard to keep seeing the absolute chaos I’m creating in the wake of mastering this stuff. Cards flying in every direction. Dropping and picking up all of the time. The best way to counter it I’ve found so far is to just laugh. 

Laughing is much better than crying. I actually must admit because of laughter I haven’t felt the deep despair of my weaknesses this trip too intensely. I’ve been determined this time to ground myself. This is the point I am at. Some days some things are better than others. I accept it.

Speaking of which my Perfect productions have improved or rather they are getting snappier and the finger position it getting better. Woohoo. It’s all about the little wins. Tonight I practice hard for tomorrow is a new day!

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 10 : Chinese Hot Pot Treat

Today’s lesson and practice was hard. I’m grinding moves now, because there are some moves I’m struggling with. I put a timer on and do the move for 10 minutes then take a break. It actually really helps with the moves I don’t want to practice because they are so hard. In my mind, if I do them for the short time that is on my timer it doesn’t feel so bad. And actually I end up repeating the timer and doing the move for a lot longer than the ten minutes I’ve set. 

In today’s lesson we went over everything again. I’ve been told that my perfect productions and split fans are really important and I have to spend more time practicing these to get them down. Right now split fans are the hardest things I’m doing and they feel relentless. It is not easy holding onto so many cards in my tiny hands. Perseverance will get me through and I know by the next trip this skill set hopefully won’t feel as difficult as it does right now.

We started playing with Thimbles at the end of today’s lesson which was fun and mind boggling. When one is very tired at the end of a 2 and a half hour lesson and begins to very quickly change an object’s colour right in front of one’s face you do begin to see double.

These lessons are intense, and I always feel it as we get closer to the final lesson that the pressure builds. It’s been even more intense this trip my mentor was working a lot so we had very few break days in between lessons. We have literally had a lesson every day I’ve been here with only two break days and I can tell you it’s a lot! No matter the pressure or even when I feel I’m not making progress I keep showing up to be as ready to learn and try my best.

Tonight Hyunjoon and Karam took me for Chinese hot pot or shabu-shabu as it’s called and I am now back home lying in a food coma. I think this is my favourite Korean food so far; a feast of meat and other delights. It was very spicy. I loved the selection of tofu, noodles and mushrooms in the dish. The little spicy sauce that Karam made to accompany the meat was just divine. I will sleep well tonight!

Korea Trip 4 : Lesson 11 : Progress

The penultimate session is upon us and I can honestly say this from the bottom of my heart – I’ve loved every moment here but I am absolutely knackered! Today as I practiced my perfect productions I found myself lying down for a break and I felt so guilty. It was nice to go into my lesson today and my mentor also said that having a lesson nearly every day on this trip was nuts for him too! 

Even though it has been challenging we’ve almost completed this phase of the journey together. This trip has been challenging but also I’m beginning to see lots of progress. The things I can just do now are becoming more in each class. Though today was the first day I learnt an essential magician skill which is to open my fingers completely straight, one finger at a time. I should also point out that it was agony at first!!! But the more I did it, it felt like someone had opened my hand properly for the first time and I couldn’t stop doing it that way. 

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The main mantra of today’s session was “Ring finger!” which is my mentors way of telling me to stop moving it when I’m not supposed to! Which right now is all the time. I have to learn to control these digits.

The Split fan routine flowed a bit better today. I now have 25 cards each hand and it’s sort of comfortable-ish. I must up it to 30. Building strength is very important. Also, I must stop helping my hands to do things. When I am trying to do something one handed, I mustn’t bring in my other hand to help. That’s a no-no. It’s such a natural thing to want to do at this early stage. However, in the long run both my hands have to become more independent and strong on their own. 

Tonight I pack, tomorrow we have our final lesson on this trip and then off to the airport to fly home. See you all tomorrow for the final report! 

Korea Trip 4 Lesson 12 : That’s a wrap!

I finished the last of these twelve lessons this trip with my mentor Hyunjoon Kim today. Today we revisited everything we’ve learnt so far and focused on the newer material. 

I always feel happy in the final lesson, exhausted and overwhelmed by the amount of material we’ve studied. I’m also left with some challenges to work on when I get back home. 

Twelve two and a half hour one-on-one sessions is no easy feat. So far, thanks to the Arts Council of Northern Ireland, National Lottery Fund and my own fund raising, I have been able to make four trips to Korea. I’ve funded forty-eight lessons in the foundations of manipulation. This was a dream I had almost two years ago now. A dream I believed would never happen. But, with shear determination, mindset and attitude I did it. 

I have learnt more than just a new skill set. I have learnt how to walk and stand on stage. I am now longer the clumsy person I was when I began this journey with my mentor over a year ago. My colleagues, family and friends have noticed the change in me too. The confidence I now have in what I do and can do has grown in such a short space of time. Mentally and physically I am fitter, stronger and more equipped for the goals I want to achieve as a magician and artist more than ever. 

Due to this process I have been given so many opportunities both at home and abroad that I wouldn’t not have happen if I did not go through this process. I got to work with Tumble Circus on their show Winter Circus in Belfast this December performing two magic acts in 30 shows integrating my new found talents locally for audiences here to see my shine. I was invited to be the headline act at Chicago Magic Lounge in March where I put together my first 30 minute solo show which included a full routine I learnt during this process. 

I have come so far, and the journey is far from over yet. All of these things I’m learning are tools which I will master to inevitably build my own unique performance. I plan to continue this journey with my mentor to see where that journey goes. Doors have been opened and many skills have been learned. I’m levelling up to be the best performer and person I can become. I have learnt (and still am learning) to wholeheartedly believe in myself and this journey. There have been ups and downs. I’ve learnt that all feelings are fleeting and bad ones don’t last so long. I am so proud of myself and what I have done. I chased a dream and I made it happen.

I will not give up. I may struggle, complain and hear my mentors voice screaming RING FINGER in my dreams but my word I will master this! It’s not how anymore. It’s when. As the sun sets upon Incheon tonight I fly back to Belfast and home! Thank you for following my journey. Onwards… to creating great magic! 

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Thank you to The Arts Council, to Hyunjoon Kim, my family, to Tom and every single one of you who has believed in me, supported and followed me on this great adventure.